How the Dynast Stole Ceephied-mas
by Chu
Summary: A parody of Dr. Suess' classic work.


"How the Dynast Stole Ceephied-mas" by Chu-chan

  
  


Every Who 

Down in Seyruun 

Liked Ceephied-mas a lot...

But the Dynast,

Who lived at the North Pole,

Did NOT! 

  
  


The Dynast hated Ceephied-mas! The whole Ceephied-mas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. 

  
  


But,

Whatever the reason,

His heart or his shoes,

He stood there on Ceephied-mas Eve, hating the Whos,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, Mazoku frown

At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every Who down in Seyruun beneath

Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath. 

  
  


"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Ceephied-mas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Mazoku fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to keep Ceephied-mas from coming!"

For, tomorrow, he knew... 

  
  


...All the Who girls and boys

Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! 

  
  


Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast!

And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast

Which was something the Dynast couldn't stand in the least! 

  
  


And THEN

They'd do something he liked least of all!

Every Who down in Seyruun, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Ceephied-mas bells ringing.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing! 

  
  


They'd sing! And they'd sing!

AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!

And the more the Dynast thought of the Who Ceephied-mas Song

The more the Dynast thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

"Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!

I MUST stop Ceephied-mas from coming!

...But HOW?" 

  
  


Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!

THE DYNAST GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! 

  
  


"I know just what to do!" The Dynast laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Mazoku trick!

"With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!" 

  
  


"All I need is a reindeer..."

The Dynast looked around.

But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Dynast...?

No! The Dynast simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his general Sheera. Then he took some red thread

And he tied a big horn on top of her head. 

  
  


THEN

He loaded some bags

And some old empty sacks

On a ramshackle sleigh

And he hitched up old Sheera.(Wow! That so didn't rhyme!)

  
  


Then the Dynast said, "Giddyap!"

And the sleigh started down

Toward the homes where the Whos

Lay a-snooze in their town. 

  
  


All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care

When he came to the first house in the square.

"This is stop number one," The old Dynast Claus hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. 

  
  


Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.

But if Santa could do it, then so could the Dynast.(Poor Dr. Suess.. Gomen nasai!)

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue

Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!" 

  
  


Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

All the talismen, a chainsaw, and a book entitled "Mazoku Secrets of Survival"

Bags! Capes! Swords! And even a Claire Bible

And he stuffed them in bags. 

Then the Dynast, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney! 

  
  


Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!

He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!(Gourry would be pissed!)

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that Dynast even took their last can of Who-hash! 

  
  


Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned the Dynast, "I will stuff up the tree!" 

  
  


And the Dynast grabbed the tree, and he started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!

Little Lina-Lou Who, who was not more than two. 

  
  


The Dynast had been caught by this little Who daughter

Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

She stared at the Dynast and said, "Santy Claus, why,

"Why are you taking our Ceephied-mas tree? WHY?" 

  
  


But, you know, that old Dynast was so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.

"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here." 

  
  


And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head

And he got her a drink and he sent he to bed.

And when Lina-Lou Who went to bed with her cup,

He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! 

  
  


Then the last thing he took

Was the log for their fire.

Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire. 

  
  


And the one speck of food

The he left in the house

Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

  
  
  
  


Then

He did the same thing

To the other Whos' houses 

  
  


Leaving crumbs

Much too small

For the other Whos' mouses! 

  
  


It was quarter past dawn...

All the Whos, still a-bed

All the Whos, still a-snooze

When he packed up his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!

The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! 

  
  


Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Kataart, (Opps..)

He rode to the tiptop to dump it!

"Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was Mazoku-ish-ly humming.

"They're finding out now that no Ceephied-mas is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

"The all the Whos down in Seyruun will all cry BOO-HOO!" 

  
  


"That's a noise," grinned the Dynast,

"That I simply must hear!"

So he paused. And the Dynast put a hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low. Then it started to grow... 

  
  


But the sound wasn't sad!

Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so!

But it WAS merry! VERY! 

  
  


He stared down at Seyruun!

The Dynast popped his eyes!

Then he shook!

What he saw was a shocking surprise! 

  
  


Every Who down in Seyruun, the tall and the small,

Were singing! Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Ceephied-mas from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same! 

  
  


And the Dynast, with his Mazoku-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Dynast thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Ceephied-mas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.

"Maybe Ceephied-mas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" 

  
  


And what happened then...?

Well...in Seyruun they say

That the Dynast's small heart

Grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light

And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

And he... 

  
  


...HE HIMSELF...!

The Dynast carved the roast beast!

  
  


~FIN~

  
  


I hope most sincerely that Dr. Suess may one day forgive me for this... debauchery of his work. I wrote this on Christmas Eve 2000 after going to see The Grinch with my family. I hope it makes you feel all warm and tingly inside! Please review!!


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